What Once Was

...but is now just a memory.

Personal piece of my oc Ellena ~

 
Art Talk / Insight / Experience story below:
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Hey guys~ Do you ever feel like you're at war with your own art? :'D Or ya just finished a drawing, but it feels more like a stalemate or heavily negotiated truce? Aha...that was definitely the case with this one, and there were honestly countless times I just wanted stop right in the middle and call it quits, throw it in the back of my hardrive and never look at it again. But I dunno...was it the fact that there were still little pieces here and there I liked in this, the idea of finishing it just for accomplishment's sake, or the realization that there's a lot of things to learn from this--and more still if I keep going to the end--that made me continue? Additionally, if this experience could help or relate to anyone else, then all the more worth it, right? Well something, or most likely a combination of all of the above, brought me here.

It's amazing how much--and how quickly--your mental state and attitude can change while working on a piece. When I first had the idea for this one in my head and sketched it out, I was on fire for it--thought it was gonna be one of the most fun paintings yet. This was what I considered one of my "side works", since I knew it was gonna be a bigger, more detailed painting and I would need more time on it. (I originally started it several months ago and just slowly poked at it more and more alongside other art.) Well, what happens when you put a piece on the side for too long and your "current" art continues to grow and evolve? Styles change, man--drawing methods too. So when I was finally ready to tackle this piece full-on again, my workflow, methods of painting, and character style were all new, and entirely different than how I started this. I felt like I had to go back and re-do the whole darn thing, but at the same time, I stared at this barely-halfway finished piece and knew all the time and effort I had already poured into it, and just couldn't let that go to waste. Now, I just kinda hated it all. Regardless, I pushed myself to continue on with it (despite how much I disliked the whole thing), ended up painting over a lot of stuff as I added on, started to slowly like it again, and then came to point where it all just looked like a pathetic mess of a painting on a lifeboat.

  

What happens next? Style changed again :') Oh yeah, fellas--paintover all over again! Took way more time than it ever should've, but I finally got the looks of this character in line with my vision. Then I realized it came time to do all the details...create a background--some kind of environment and story to convey what was happening here and what was going on in my head. That was fun.. Re-did the BG a good handful of times~
Finally after much struggle, I came to terms with the fact that this may not be the "perfect painting" I had envisioned or hoped it to be...and that's okay. Im sure not perfect--so why does my art HAVE to be? Awesome news: it doesn't :> For so long I've convinced myself that any I art I choose to showcase oughta be presentably flawless, or gosh darn it--don't let it see the light of day :v Being a perfectionist that spends all their effort on the meticulous details and ridiculous things, this realization wasn't an easy one to swallow... But it's also kind of a relief.

It's a-okay to show those brush lines, the unpolished details, them extra little pixels on the lineart...it's all okay. It's up to you of course, but it's not the end of the world to show a messy rough now and then or some of those "failed pieces" lying on the sidelines. A lot of people do it actually; it's normal. In fact, we can learn more and ultimately grow more from those works much more than we will from the "success art".  So it's okay to say "I know this piece isn't perfect, but I'm learning from it, and want to learn more. What can you point out to me as far as tips or things to improve on from here?" And maybe this isn't the highlight of my gallery, but now I'll always have a deeper connection with this piece and remember the things I've learned from it whenever I scroll by.

The other thing I think is important to share and know, is that it's okay to be slow. This is another huge one for me, cuz like I said, I'm pretty darn meticulous and overthink EVERYTHING in my own art. Social media pressures us to post constantly and release content as fast as you can to "keep up" and "stay on top". But in all honesty, I'm sure all us artists could say we feel prouder and happier about sharing a piece that took months or weeks or however long to create as opposed to throwing up quick sketches and doodles that only took one quick drawing session (which are totally fine and fun to share too--nothing wrong w that at all). What I guess I'm getting at here is that you don't have to shortchange yourself or your art just to get content up and out there quicker. Putting more time into a piece can not only help the art, but you as the artist. You learn and grow most and best through experience, and it's okay if it takes an absurd amount of time to get that. I've spent easily 3 months or so before on a single illustration, and in the end that one ended up being one of my best and most favorited pieces yet. "Slow and steady wins the race", as the saying goes.

 

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I gotta say, I'm a little nervous showing this painting...Overall, I can say I'm finally happy with it (ironically, I ended up polishing it more than I thought I would), but at the same time, I know there's things wrong with it, I know it's not "perfect", but I've come to terms with that; I know it's okay...and I'm ready to learn for next time! I can't open official critiques w/o Core, but I'd cherish any feedback you'd like to give on this. Whatever comes to your mind and eyes, I'd love to hear, and thank you in advance for anything you might like to say.

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Alright, wow--hey, thanks for making it this far, you awesome person you ;> I know that was a lot, but I hope you can take something from this, and if anything, just hear from someone today to keep up your great work and don't get sunk if something doesn't turn out quite as you hoped (it might end up better in the end, in a different way) ~ Thanks dearly for reading, and hope you have an awesome day!

     

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